I have spent a lot of time over the years healing from and dealing with the information my family tribe gave me about myself while I was growing up. I have spent so much time acknowledging and grieving the various abuses given (should I say gifted!) me, and facing up to my reactions to those abuses. It's been a long hard road, but, my(!) what a joy it's been to grow into the me that you know!
Not only have I reached a point in my life where I can forgive those who abused me, those who invested my belief in myself as worthless, but I can honestly say that I am grateful to them now.
I love this life I'm living; I love this path I've found – a path of healing and self discovery. Mine is a life less ordinary (have I stolen that phrase from somewhere? It sounds very familiar!), and it is a joy to live it.
I wonder, had those less than loving members of my tribe left me be, would I be on this path now, would I be in a position to realise such magnificent Truths about Myself and Yourself? Would I be living this life less ordinary? I doubt it very much. And so I have lot to thank those people for, and very good reason to love and honour them!
So to my dad, my granddad, my uncle and to those teenage boys who burned my most beloved doll with a cigarette, each of you broke my heart. Thank you. You gave me the opportunity to explore this lifetime from a less ordinary perspective, you gifted me the joy of healing! Thank you!
It occurred to me last night, for the first time, that for this past forty years I have believed myself to be illegitimate at a very fundamental level (I was told at a very young age I didn't belong to my family, and various treatments of me reinforced that message), and I have lived accordingly; never quite achieving anything which would suggest my legitimacy, which would allow me my rightful place in the tribe. I've met my first chakra survival needs, but only just… I've never risen out f poverty (relative as that may be), I've never claimed anything but the most lowly status.
Well, that's about to change...
I cut the bonds of illegitimacy and I claim my rightful place in my tribe, in my society and in my self! I am legitimate: I am whole: I am strong!
While for many years I've understood that I am worth more than others my have taught me about myself, I've never quite managed to live a life which demonstrates my worth – not in monetary terms, you understand, but in terms of my relationships, and my status within my tribe and the comforts, and recognition I have allowed myself.
I understand now (thanks to the work of Caroline Myss, thanks to wonderful accidental (there are no accidents! lol) teachers like T and Halibut, Sand and Rosie) that this very deep-rooted belief I've had about myself all my life needs to be dug up and tossed onto compost heap. That means freedom to BE, to claim my place, my worth. Freedom from the restrictions I have constantly imposed on myself!
I am Legitimate: I am Whole: I am Strong! How cool is that!!! :o)
This comes with a very warm, loving and grateful 'thank you' to ALL my accidental (there are no accidents! lol) teachers. I love you. Thank you.