Aloneness

Eighteen months ago Paul and I finally broke up once and for all. Though we'd never really been in a stable relationship he'd always been around, close enough to grab hold of when I needed.
Then 6 months ago the closest people to me on the planet emigrated to the other side of the planet to start a new life in Australia... a paradise they've fallen in love with since.
So here I am, a little billy no-mates, spending almost all of my time alone.

Usually I don't min., I like myself, I enjoy my own company and I love what I do with my time and energy... creating positive, loving vibes at least half of the time I'm awake; bringing hopefully positive aspects to difficult situations; helping and supporting people I care about whenever I can; studying the world around me, learning how it all fits together into the oneful whole, and understanding 'my' part within that.
I know that I am loved and respected by those who know me and I love and respect myself also.
Yeah, mostly I am fulfilled and very happy to be BEing who I am!


Oh, but I do get tired of being on my own. I've known since I was a little girl that 'alone' was the normal state of my life, and I've had much practice at it in the years since. But sometimes there is much too much of it and it feels far too permanent.
I know that struggling with it is just a state of mind, that there is a huge difference between aloneness and loneliness (presence of oneself, missing of some 'other') but sometimes.... sometimes!

God I really do miss that 'other' to share time with, to do things with... to go out and play with, to stay in and play with, to touch and hold... to enjoy and share my world with.

Nothing stays the same forever? I hope not!