Saturday, 15 August 2009

In limbo

I long for the next chapter of my life to begin, because waiting, unsure of what it holds, unsure of where I will go from here is like being in some freaky blank limbo.

But the first step into that future relies on me saying goodbye to my bests friends. I know that's coming very soon, and I'm not looking forward to it, not remotely. So I choose limbo until the choice is taken from me.

Tomorrow my baby brother gets hitched to Marie. A lovely woman with a lovely family. Her sister, Tess, has adopted me so I wont be sister-less when my own sister emigrates in a few days.
So, I gain two new sisters, but loose my best friend. I also gain two new nieces (Marie's girls) but loose my three babies.

Loose is the wrong word (actually it could literally be! - Is that the right way to write lose in the future tense??). I will still have them in my life, but they wont be here. No more sleep-overs with my nieces, no more Friday night family dinners. No more trips to Freshfileds.
But lots of skyping, lots of email, lots of snail-mail too.

Besides those things, I don't know what comes next for me. Except that alone probably features quite strongly. Alone I can handle. Lonely, on the other hand... maybe not quite so much.
So, I'm going to get as Zen as I can about the whole thing. Aloneness = presence of oneself; loneliness = absence of another. That's Zen, and that's going to be my focus.
I think I've written on these pages about that little girl sleeplessly watching the night sky... She knew about aloneness. Funny, I never realised how much that little girl helps me, the adult, until now. That kid rocks!!

I don't have much else to say.

I wait. I breathe.

Monday, 10 August 2009


So, the second person ever that I showed this blog to went a posted a link to it on Macswin's Facebook Reference.
Can't say I was expecting that! And I can't say that I mind either (if I did I'd delete the link), but it does feel odd knowing that you, whoever you are, are reading snippets of my life.
Those snippets that make me most vulnerable too! But read away; I can take it! LoL

I wonder how these words might impact you? I guess that's your business, just as writing this is mine. I know that reading my words will not harm you. The rest is yours.

But as far being outed as a blogger goes, I will now do my best to keep these pages up-dated. - Not before time too! Thanks Dave... I think!!

I'll write more soon... about my newest discoveries and the twists and turns my life is currently taking.

From now till then, peace be the journey. ;o)