Tuesday, 12 February 2008

My First Chakra! – Like My left Foot, only different! ;o)

I have spent a lot of time over the years healing from and dealing with the information my family tribe gave me about myself while I was growing up. I have spent so much time acknowledging and grieving the various abuses given (should I say gifted!) me, and facing up to my reactions to those abuses. It's been a long hard road, but, my(!) what a joy it's been to grow into the me that you know!

Not only have I reached a point in my life where I can forgive those who abused me, those who invested my belief in myself as worthless, but I can honestly say that I am grateful to them now.

I love this life I'm living; I love this path I've found – a path of healing and self discovery. Mine is a life less ordinary (have I stolen that phrase from somewhere? It sounds very familiar!), and it is a joy to live it.

I wonder, had those less than loving members of my tribe left me be, would I be on this path now, would I be in a position to realise such magnificent Truths about Myself and Yourself? Would I be living this life less ordinary? I doubt it very much. And so I have lot to thank those people for, and very good reason to love and honour them!

So to my dad, my granddad, my uncle and to those teenage boys who burned my most beloved doll with a cigarette, each of you broke my heart. Thank you. You gave me the opportunity to explore this lifetime from a less ordinary perspective, you gifted me the joy of healing! Thank you!

It occurred to me last night, for the first time, that for this past forty years I have believed myself to be illegitimate at a very fundamental level (I was told at a very young age I didn't belong to my family, and various treatments of me reinforced that message), and I have lived accordingly; never quite achieving anything which would suggest my legitimacy, which would allow me my rightful place in the tribe. I've met my first chakra survival needs, but only just… I've never risen out f poverty (relative as that may be), I've never claimed anything but the most lowly status.

Well, that's about to change...

I cut the bonds of illegitimacy and I claim my rightful place in my tribe, in my society and in my self! I am legitimate: I am whole: I am strong!

While for many years I've understood that I am worth more than others my have taught me about myself, I've never quite managed to live a life which demonstrates my worth – not in monetary terms, you understand, but in terms of my relationships, and my status within my tribe and the comforts, and recognition I have allowed myself.

I understand now (thanks to the work of Caroline Myss, thanks to wonderful accidental (there are no accidents! lol) teachers like T and Halibut, Sand and Rosie) that this very deep-rooted belief I've had about myself all my life needs to be dug up and tossed onto compost heap. That means freedom to BE, to claim my place, my worth. Freedom from the restrictions I have constantly imposed on myself!

I am Legitimate: I am Whole: I am Strong! How cool is that!!! :o)

This comes with a very warm, loving and grateful 'thank you' to ALL my accidental (there are no accidents! lol) teachers. I love you. Thank you.

Wednesday, 30 January 2008

Moving Closer to Now

An interesting time I'm having of late. I feel somehow that I'm between states, between chapters... Some new mission, some new adventure, some new purpose is about to become my now.

I've learned so much and changed so much over the past 18 months.
Spiritually I have moved closer to consciousness, closer to, I believe, Truth. This has had a big impact on my reasoning, my motivations, my reality.
I still have a very long way to go before living in the 'present moment' becomes my default mode but I'm getting much closer to that mode than I'd imagined was even possible a few months ago.
Anyway, the point of this is to explain that because so much has already changed in my life, in myself, a lot more surely must change as a result.
My reasoning has changed, my reality has shifted, therefore my life must shift accordingly.
I'm asking that Grace be my guide, that my forward motion, my momentum, be directed by Love.

Though I don't know what the future holds, I'm sure it will be perfect for me.

I will return one day to write of tinnitus and of conversations with God.


Thursday, 17 January 2008

Meandering Mind.

Welcome to the peaceful meanderings of my own personal emptiness... Of course, I mean empty in the Taoist/Buddhist sense. Though I'm not a Buddhist, or any other kind of 'ist for that matter, nor am I an 'ian or an 'ish or an 'ic.
I am a seeker. A journeyer on the road of life. I seek my own inner truth, and have discovered that it is the same as yours. I seek my own truth, and have discovered that it is a universal Truth.
Within these pages I will share my journey, my thoughts, my readings, my prayers and meditations. And as the Peace, the Love, the God, the Truth.... which I have discovered within myself becomes more and more an everyday part of my consciousness, I will share that too.
And I will share stories of me and my love, my honey.
And recipes too!
And my efforts, my trials and errors in self sufficiency in the city - not too easy with nowhere to grow stuff, let me tell you! lol
And I will share stories of my family... My antics in the kitchen with my sisters children.
And everything else which means Love to me.

Until next time, Peace