Saturday, 5 September 2009

Where am I?

Lost! Dizzy with all the movement. Boggled by the amount of faith people have in me, while I'm so full of trepidation about the future.

Lets see if I can pull all these jumbled thoughts and feelings together into some kind of cohesive whole!

Last time I wrote about being in limbo... maybe I'm still there, to some extent. But a couple of things have changed since then. - My family (well, my sister and her family really, but we shared) has buggered off to Australia, leaving me childless (even though I always was). So, do I have to face the reality of my childlessness without the cushion of having my nieces around? Seems so. But that's OK... I can accept my situation and crack on with my life, as this whole oneful, discoveringkaren thing testifies.

But what does cracking on with my life mean now?

Here I come to the amount of faith other people seem to have in me. I've been asked several times over the course of months by several different people, to lead and run a 'heart and soul' group for Transition Towns Liverpool. And even though I have recently cut my ties (officially at least) to TTL, certain members are still asking me to lead the heart and soul group. To me the persistence of these requests suggests the universe is trying to tell me something and it's time I paid attention! So, I will accept the challenge and lead a heart and soul group, even though I have no clue what that will entail... I'll wing it, and follow my intuition, and hope the the jitters I'm feeling go away!!

Everywhere I go, whether on the internet or in the 3D world, whenever I start talking politics, spirituality, and about the creative role we all play in shaping the world around us, people listen! I must admit that when I wax lyrical about what a wonderful, incredible journey this can be once we realise our creative power, once we abandon our ego roles and learn to simply BE, I am at my best! I love the energy that runs through me at those times. I feel vital and free and in tune with life itself. I guess that's what people respond to.
But I wonder if it will lead to anything? Or even if it should? - Maybe things are exactly right as they are! Maybe those people who seem to listen to what ever my topic of the day is will take some of that energy for themselves, or use it to tap into their own light energy! That, all by itself, is a fantastic thought!!
and so, i can be satisfied in this moment that the energy I have, and the use I put it to, is enough. :o)

Since before my family went away I have been so moved and touched by the massive outpouring of love and support from some really unexpected places! You have no idea how much that has meant to me and how much it has restored my faith in other people! - I thought I was on my own, as I have always been (or felt!) at the most difficult times in my life. I am so heartened and happy to finally see that that is not the case! I have people around me, near and far, that have shown me something I've never seen before (though it may have been there all along). There is only one word that comes to mind when I try to describe the feeling that that gives me and that is, 'solid'! The love and support I've been given is solid.
Maybe this was the next lesson I needed to learn in life? That I am not on my own... that even the kindness of strangers is testament to the gift we are to each other, if we choose to accept it!!

And NOW I feel I can get on with my day.

Thank you! x x x

P.S. sorry if this rambles a bit but rambling is good... when we ramble, we discover new places! ;o)

No comments: